I Am So Alone

I’ve been lonely for so long, all the way back to 2014,
To different extents,

And it peaked last year,
Then started to improve when I came here,
And it really felt like I was making a lot of new friends—
Sara from Green Health,
Sarah from Stepping Forward,
Friends I made through a depression support group,
Friends I made through an autism course,
Friends I was making through Green Health,
Friends I was making through going to that knitting group with one of my friends,

And now I have exactly none of it left!
It’s all gone again,
And I’m going backwards,
I hate it and I feel heartbroken,

I don’t even have contact with Sara or Sarah,
Who run those charities which were helping me,
I don’t even have the opportunity to talk to them on the phone,
Everybody is just out of contact now,
And I don’t know why,
Neither of them will answer the phone anymore,
When they used to,

I feel like I’m dying again,
This is so, so, so exhausting,

I don’t feel like I’m being heard by the council person:

“Are you still in contact with any mental health professionals to discuss any support mechanisms/ tactics to help separate the other’s actions from stress/anxiety/affecting your mental health?”

“I understand your PIP application was very stressful and I do not want you to feel like that again but I feel it is important if you are able to apply? Let me know. “

“Please let me know if there is anything you feel I can help with from a tenancy sustainment officer point of view! We can come up with a plan of action and support plan together? Maybe something like budgeting, etc.?”

I hate it, hate it,
Being heard but not heard;

I just cannot believe all that support is gone,
All of that progress,
There’s actually nothing even tying me to this place anymore—
There’s nothing I’m gaining anymore by being specifically here;

I am so alone again!
What the fuck.

🌪