Self-Love Comes To The Fore

Self-love comes to the fore,
Now that I’m out of that one hole, at least,

I’m out of the deep, dark emotional hole of that place,
Where I was emotionally-insulated from the outside world,
With its indifferent and stubborn walls;

Indifferent, stubborn, insensitive, judging,
From that (manipulative) mess I have arisen,
It was a slow-motion disaster in the making,
But it was inevitable, given the environment around me;

And boy was it manipulative, if you want to call it that,
Cutting me off, interrupting my pain,
Telling me I’m crazy, simply repeating myself,
Cutting in again, I’m repeating myself,
I am because you’ve interrupted me,
And the details are crucial,
The details of my pure emotional terror,
And now I’m shouting,
And now you are lying,
Re-ordering events,
You’re not listening to me now,
And you’re walking away now,
And you’re doing that because I started off rudely shouting at you,
I’m “just an arsehole”,
I don’t deserve to be listened to,
I don’t deserve any compassion,
Because I’m a menace who started out shouting in your faces,
For no apparent reason,
(According to you);

It’s so blatantly false,
It can only be manipulative;

But as I said,
I’ve risen above that,
I didn’t believe it,
So I chose another incredibly tough gauntlet,

Which, as bad as it was,
Was still better than being in that environment,
Even though you tried to sabotage me, even then,
Immediately cutting off my money,
Here you go, perhaps you’ll be motivated now,
Perhaps you’ll stop being a menace and start being nice;

Wow;

It’s all over,
Self-love comes to the fore,
Now that I’m out of that hole!

I am so much more than my temporary emotional pain,
However intense it may have been,
And I carry these dreamlike memories with me,
And they strengthen me.

Me on Half Dome, September 2009
Me and Ben

I also really love this song, which I discovered on that trip after the visit to Yosemite Park! I couldn’t stop listening to it on a plane journey to San Francisco, looking down at the sunny California coastline. It always irrevocably takes me back to that trip.

πŸŒͺ

9 thoughts on “Self-Love Comes To The Fore

    1. Thank you!! Yeah it’s a very precious photo! πŸ˜„. The sunset was even better because of forest fires, and you can see the diffuse reddish glow in the valley. We had the top of the mountain to ourselves :).

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I do :D. Thanks a lot Francine! πŸ™‚

      Bon journΓ©e Γ  toi Γ©galement! πŸ’™

      Liked by 1 person

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