Complementing Conscious Calm

Here’s another fundamental truth, for me,
And one which I now feel I can do something about, again,

β€”An initial, immediate dopamine boost from exercise in the mornings,
Or anything,
Is crucial for me to avoid sinking into negative over-thinking!

It really is,
And was the reason behind exercising in the mornings for so long,
Even for all of those years when I wasn’t sleeping properly!

My mood always builds naturally throughout the day,
Peaking in the evenings,
When I regain a ferocious energy;

The disgusting truth,
About this long period of dissociation, though,
Was that I was robbed of gaining anything from exercising,
Through emotionally-painful OCD and Tourrettes-like tics,

And now,
I come to the gradual awareness,
That I could benefit from these things again;
To think that, to swim,
I could regain those feelings of utter joy, peace,
Exhilaration and exultance,
There’s just no better feeling;

Though I will buy some dumbbells,
Continue doing pressups,
And it has to complement conscious calm,
Choosing against negative habits.

β€”I’ve just found another thing that’s been panic-bought into non-existence!!


31 thoughts on “Complementing Conscious Calm

  1. Robin, bravo on your awareness of how the exercising can be so beneficial to your feelings of calmness, peace and joy!
    I am so cheering you on! πŸ™‚
    I do know what you mean though as if I am really stressed, and then I do some exercising( it might be just walking or running on my treadmill, I feel so very much better, πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks! Well, I’ve known since the day I was born to be honest, lol. Much of my life has been surviving not being able to exercise given my very conscious awareness of how good it makes me feel.

      When a doctor told me when I was 15 that I wouldn’t be able to run again, it was as if my life ended, to be honest. I was extremely grateful to regain all of that freedom eventually. Then when I injured it again it was like I’d died all over again :).

      Then the final nail in the coffin was this period of 18 months now of not being able to benefit from it even when I could do it, especially in the last 14 months.

      Even then, my options are limited to things which are boring (swimming, weights), which is partly how I ended up dissociating so much during exercise and getting into OCD loops.

      But I did enjoy swimming for years when my mental state was overall much better, so I’m confident I can get back to enjoying it even in a swimming pool. Even pressups is currently giving me a good boost because I’m so lacking in exercise!

      Yes if I could go walking or running on demand, 90% of my problems wouldn’t have happened. The family conflicts wouldn’t have had to happen, etc. But they’ve never shown any true understanding or acknowledgement of that fact, they simply cannot imagine the difference it makes for me.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hahaha. Honestly, it’s like telling me that breathing is a virtue and a good idea 🀣. This odd world!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Though I’ve consciously known this for ages, and actively ‘self-medicated’ myself with exercise for years, I also meant it in the sense that hyperactive people cannot help but move. It’s their default state of being. Even just bouncing my legs up and down often has a big effectβ€” it seems that antidepressants makes that more obvious sometimes. When I am already in a good mood, bouncing my legs is really soothing, haha.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. 2 years ago I was visiting my grandparents, and my grandma was telling me how I used to cry a lot when I was a baby. I never held back from expressing my emotions, lol. That’s also an interesting thing to remember in the context of that letter describing ‘periods of low mood’ and how environmental stress could have feasibly caused that. The poor child!!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I was probably also frustrated by my inability to be understood. I definitely remember feelings of that from an early age.


      5. This showed in the wrong place.
        I do not think it’s insane you wrote so much! LOL
        This should have been in relation to the comment about visiting your grandparents.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. LOL

        Don’t worry, I understood what you meant! πŸ˜„.

        Haha, yeah it’s an interesting insight, isn’t it. Strongly hints at my innate sensitivity and strong emotions.


      7. BBL off to eat a piece of cheesecake and lie to myself about how good it is for me and that it is calorie free! LOL
        Oh hell, I am just going to enjoy it! ha, ha !


    2. If I could just get a place to myself, and the opportunity to go swimming again, even just to buy some weights (as they’re all out of stock now!), I would really see so much improvement very quickly :D.

      I’ll definitely keep going to see that happen! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

    3. Everything I just said about exercise applies to being outside, too, and with the difficulties I’ve had in having ways to get outside and things to do outside. Even the difference of living somewhere with a garden would be huge for me, as immediately I’d have the opportunity to do gardening.

      This is how it’s often beenβ€” the addition of seemingly-normal things that a lot of people have, to my life would make such a big difference, but they’ve so often been just out of reach. Even just getting people to understand how these small differences would make huge gains has been difficult, especially amongst family members. For example, for the longest time they doubted that finding a mobility solution for me would help me at all…so they never really put any effort into trying to help me solve it. I was exerting a lot of energy just to try to explain how that would help, something which seems so obvious to most people. πŸ€·β€β™‚οΈ

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you, sorry I wrote so much! Thanks for reading it πŸ’™.

        I sometimes feel the need to write it out, but mostly I’m just happy to have the support now here πŸ˜„.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thanks so much!! I really feel like I’ve come in from the cold πŸ€—.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes!! Great mindset my friend. I love to exercise because it’s something I value as a part of my healthy lifestyle. It’s so important to move our bodies and not create any stagnant energy blocks. Good stuff😊

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s