A Taste Of Sweet Freedom From Mental Prison

I have done it,
I read a chapter of the book I wanted to read,
A Stolen Life by Jaycee Dugard,
And I enjoyed it and found it…

This is going to sound absurd now, given what I just read—
I enjoyed and found relaxing, the act of reading,
Because I was able to stay centered and non-reactive enough,
And for the personal achievement which it represents;

The content of what I read was distressing, and scary,
Yet continually balanced by the strength which Jaycee Dugard has shown,
In her actions and in the incredibly honest telling of her story;

It actually feels appropriate, that I should be reading such a book,
As I battle to process and overcome my own struggles,
Remaining humble, patient and calm,
A crucial requisite;

Also guess what I did after reading that first chapter?
—I read the next,
Because I wanted to know what happened next;
My primary feeling was not numbness, exhaustion and boredom,
Which has been the case in the heights of reading OCD,
But I felt better;

Thanks Jaycee, really;

I also did pressups, twice,
Before I began reading—
Another thing which I once could no longer do,
And which I’d become fearful of trying again;

The last thing I want to try, today,
Is playing my guitar again,
And that will be three major, major things that I’ve been missing,
And which are so, so good for my soul.

Now I can eat! I’m hungry, but not yet anxious :D.

Another thing I have realised, after writing my previous poem,
(Which made me feel so good),
Is that there are still painful feelings to process and to write about.

🌪