Confinement

This is a game of survival,
For everybody,
In various different ways,

The more sensitive we are,
To the benefits of being outdoors and of exercise,
The harder it is to stay inside,

And the effects of being confined,
Sneak up very gradually and subtlely,
But they can be disastrous;

It is only when we get that luxury again,
That we realise just how warped our minds can become;
It’s a challenge that I face daily,
And I will not know just how great it’s been,
Until I can once more go swimming again;

Even just going to the supermarket,
Helps me immensely,
So I cannot even begin to imagine anymore,
How I’d feel after real exercise;

It’s a challenge of avoiding dissociative tendencies,
Or self-sabotaging habits,
Of fussiness, perfectionism, anger,
Even suicidal ideation,
To lesser or greater degrees;

There are some good moments,
But many more bad than normal,
It’s a time to remain as meditative and patient as possible.

πŸŒͺ

36 thoughts on “Confinement

    1. I definitely am :). It was a short trip out to the doctor to get a prescription which crystallised these thoughts. A small taste of what you’re missing out on can be a bit heartbreaking if you’re not careful!

      But also I’ve been emotionally quite numb the last 2 days, for some reason. I don’t feel the satisfaction I usually do from doing things I enjoy like reading or writing. There’s barely any satisfaction from writing that poem. Weird. It’s like the antidepressants stopped giving their mood boosting effect, or something, which also makes me feel very restless, how I usually would’ve before antidepressants.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I am glad you remain hope and I so understand about feeling emotionally numb.
        I am not on antidepressants but maybe I should be as this last week I have found little joy in my daily life.
        I think the hardest part this week was the anniversary of the day Terri was diagnosed with ALS.
        I hope that the satisfaction you feel after writing your poems returns to you.
        I have been writing a lot this week but most of my poems are about Terri and too sad to share.

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    2. I’m also suffering because I lost the sleeping routine of waking up at midnight, so that I feel free to cook. And even when I did have that, I had issues with getting food for so long, with lost cards etc!

      I could be doing much better if I had the freedom to go in a kitchen and cook. Cooking always makes me feel so good. It’s only in the middle of the night that I can hope to enjoy it.

      Liked by 1 person

    3. I’m going to the chemist at the supermarket later to get more antidepressants with the prescription I got, so that’s a trip out of the house to look forward to! :D.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hahaha! Still no sun here, lots of clouds and rain! Wish I was joking, but it was endlessly sunny for 6 weeks before I bought that damned chair! πŸ˜…

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      2. Most days in Colorado bring the sunshine! πŸ™‚
        You would love it, Robin.
        I do hope the sun returns so you can enjoy that damned chair! LOL
        It has to come back.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Has to! You’d think! πŸ˜†

        Guess I’d rather be in Colorado, Margie! πŸ˜‰
        So many things my mind has never known!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Robin, it’s a good place to be but today it’s too hot for me! it’s 84 degrees F and that is 28.89 C . Looks like it’s going to be hot summer and summer does not begin till June 20th, I want spring back!

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      5. 😨… yeah, I’ve just realised I’m being silly by complaining about the lack of sun since I got the deck chair, lol. Although that’s annoying, there will also be plenty of days later in the summer which are unbearably hot. Southern England gets lots of 30C days each year these days. So I’m going to enjoy the colder weather again while it lasts!! Although saying that, we’ll no doubt now get a heat wave…😏.

        “summer does not begin till June 20th”

        🀣 good luck…I think that definition will have to be changed!

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  1. A clarity in your thoughts will give you peace of mind. Our mind is like water, the more the waves the more bad you the image, when there is clarity you see a picture perfect reflection of what you wanted to see. ✨Well done πŸ’ Have a great day Robin!

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  2. You like to cook? Cooking and baking I find very calming and therapeutic. Perhaps it’s because I am simply following a recipe, doing as I am told by a chef somewhere. I need to focus on it, I need to concentrate and that takes my mind off everything else. What do you like to cook? Katie

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    1. Yes, I love cooking! :D. Everything is more enjoyable afterwards, too. It really boosts my dopamine.

      I don’t personally find that cooking takes too much of my concentration, I always listen to podcasts at the same time :D. I avoid anything with too many steps, to be honest. I stick to the simple but tasty things!

      It’s also largely the physical activity which cooking involves which makes me feel great. I get so little activity in general, that for me it’s quite significant, especially for my legs with knee injuries. Movement and creativity together are very therapeutic.

      I love cooking curries, I have loads of different spices :). I was baking banana bread and flapjack recently, but sugar makes eczema which I have itch, so I’ve stopped having any sugar! I’m suffering a lot with eczema through lack of sunlight at the moment.

      I want to get more creative again with cooking now that I have more than the basics for the first time in a while πŸ˜†.

      I cook a lot of baked potatoes and have things like blue cheese, tuna & mayonnaise, bolognaise or chilli con carne on them. Baked sweet potatoes are absolutely amazing! πŸ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ooooh I’ve never had baked sweet potatoes! So glad you enjoy cooking … especially curries! I love how just using the spices in ones cupboard and an onion and a bit of chicken and fantastic … a curry!! Love it! I too enjoy baked potatoes – tuna, mayo and sweet corn is my favourite. πŸ’— Katie

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      2. Yes about curries! :D, it’s always fun mixing the spices. It’s also great to add them to the riceβ€” turmeric to make it an amazing colour!

        Yes, baked sweet potatoes taste very good. Especially the flesh just underneath the skin! Put chilli con carne on a baked sweet potato…! I like to cook the potatoes with a bit of oil, salt and pepper on them, they taste amazing then :).

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      3. Chilli con carne on w sweet potato sounds amazing! Crikey … I’m going to have to try that! We had a zoom cooking thing on Friday night which was fun and last night I did a sort of chicken with soy sauce and honey and garlic thing …. am really quite getting into this cooking lark!!

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      4. It is!! I’m going to have it later 😁.

        Cooking with your friends on Zoom, you mean?

        It sounds like you made something like hoisin sauce! Sounds nice! :). I made sweet and sour sauce a few times, a few months ago. The ingredients list is incredible for that, lol. You’d never have guessed how many ingredients were required.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Yes, it was a Zoom thing … really good fun but golly you have to be careful about when the microphone is off or on!
        So, we are on a posting here in Manhattan and the apartment that we have is up high so lovely and light with glass on two sides of the β€˜main room’. But what I love most is that the main room is an open plan kitchen and sitting room with a sort of kitchen bar thing with the sink etc which divides the two areas. This means that I can cook and have the company of my husband rather than in previous accommodation being shut away in a sometimes rather pokey little kitchen. Somehow it makes pottering around in the kitchen 100 times more fun. Of course I often get told to open all the windows and door if I’m cooking a little to over-excitedly (such as browning meat, cooking bacon, toast … anything that involves smoke) as our smoke detector is not just alarm bells and sirens, but the pre-recorded voice of a terrifying woman who literally shouts, β€œFire! Fire! Evacuate Immediately!” over and over again! My husband gets rather cross when this happens … God she stresses me out even more than my husband does! … 😰

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      6. Hahaha! Wow, I once rented an apartment in Vancouver with the same setup as you described, so I can easily picture what you’re talking about. Just living there by myself it was quite relaxing!

        Hahahahaha! πŸ€£πŸ˜‚ that story about your smoke alarm was absolutely hilarious. Thanks for that!! πŸ˜†πŸ€£

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Well just lately I’ve been getting a bit adventurous. I have now mastered the soufflΓ©! I can make a chocolate one and a raspberry one. They are remarkably easy and I’m no great cook! I just follow instructions and do as I’m told! I’ve found a new app called yum (Yummly) which is very helpful … loads of ideas and different recipes. πŸ˜ƒ

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      2. “I just follow instructions and do as I’m told!”

        Hahaha, yep, it seems simple doesn’t it! I’ve always been ‘good at cooking’, but all I do is follow the instructions πŸ€·β€β™‚οΈ. Though I do think the skill comes in the sensitivity required to know when to make your own adjustments.

        An app! Haha, oh god I have app fatigue. I’m still not convinced that an app is necessary for everything, lol πŸ˜†. I can imagine how it could help, though! Maybe I’ll try it πŸ˜‰.

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      3. β€œApp fatigue!!” πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. I love that! My problem is that I’m a complete imbecile when it comes to computers so have always been a little nervous of downloading apps …. now however, my confidence is soaring (dangerously) and I download masses of completely ridiculous Apps such as games involving fish being eaten by sharks. I really do need to get out me thinks! I’m with you on not perhaps yet having the sensitivity required re making adjustments … yes, that’s where I’m at. Perhaps that comes with time and a lot of practice! I’m going to be the size of the U.K. before this lockdown is over … 😩

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      4. Haha!

        “My problem is that I’m a complete imbecile” 🀣.

        Hahaha, your whole message was absolutely hilarious!

        “and I download masses of completely ridiculous Apps such as games involving fish being eaten by sharks.”

        That’s the best sentence ever! hahahaha.

        On the sensitivity thing, I actually meant that I do have it, I’ve always worked very intuitively and there are certain things I was able to pick up naturally. So perhaps the instructions Are more useful for you. But yes, practice also helps :).

        “I’m going to be the size of the U.K. before this lockdown is over”

        Lmao. You should comment more often!!

        Liked by 1 person

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