None of the below makes any sense or is rational, especially not the strength of emotions! They are of course rarely outwardly expressed to this degree— it is just how I feel when these things happen!
“It is a severe sensitivity to specific soft sounds and visual images. It also includes other forms of stimuli that cause an immediate extreme reaction. When a person hears the sounds, the person has a very strong emotional reaction such as hate, anger, anxiety, rage, and resentment” — Misophonia Institute.
Don’t slam any kinds of doors—
Front doors, cupboard doors, car doors,
—Decelerating at the last moment goes a long way;
Don’t chop noisily—
Don’t use a small or blunt knife and press down horizontally until the knife suddenly ‘snaps’ against the chopping board,
Chop properly, using a large knife and the technique that a chef would use;
Don’t sneeze indulgently and loudly—
It’s not clever, it’s not funny and it’s really not necessary;
Don’t cough or breathe noisily—
It’s hard to explain why these are frustrating or painful,
They just are, that’s the whole problem unfortunately!
Don’t snore— get a CPAP machine,
Or sleep somewhere else, even if it’s your house;
Don’t yawn really loudly—
I get that you’re tired, and want to make everybody else in your vicinity feel just as exhausted,
But please don’t do it, you selfish bastard;
If you’re a dog—
Do not bark repetitively,
Especially not if you’re a yappy dog;
Be like Misty, save it for when absolutely necessary (or there’s a cat);
Don’t chew really loudly and disgustingly—
I don’t need to know the consistency and viscosity of everything you eat;
Don’t smash your cutlery against your plate whilst eating dinner—
You’re not an African steel drummer,
You’re not a two year old having fun at a playgroup (if you are, please stop immediately),
You’re not a bull in a china shop,
—You’re actually the aural equivalent of hitler.
(I know you’re not actually, but I really mean it nevertheless).