To The Universe And Back

Over time,
One by one,
I became divorced from all my interests;

My sense of wonder and pride in the universe,
Never waveredβ€” never fear,

But, somehow, whilst studying it formally,
I lost that feeling,
That personal connection;

I’m not a details person,
And yet I am,
A paradox which I still don’t understand;

Looking through my telescope,
At nebulae and planets,
Galaxies and star clusters,
Moons and surface features,

Observing dynamic events,
Changing astronomical scenery,
Discussing it all, emotionally,
That was what fired me;

And as I poured myself into new projects,
Trying to find a stable place,
This separation between me and the universe,
Only grew and grew;

The last few years,
Have been harder still,
A constellation of traumae and collisions,

It has been all about returning to my nature,
Stripping it all down and beginning again;

Where I was going, and have yet to go,
I had and still have no clear picture,

But as I find myself exploring true passions,
I’m returning to my essential nature,
I’m seeking out, once again,
Those reliable sources of awe and wonder;

There is guilt, regret, and all kinds of feelings,
Which have held me back and continue to do so,
But those are fading, and will fade still further,
And I’ll return to space once more.

Apollo 12: Lunar Module Intrepid On the Moon

πŸŒͺ

23 thoughts on “To The Universe And Back

    1. Haha, yup! I got an extremely strong passion for it all when 16, and bought a telescope, read loads of books and science fiction, totally immersed :D.

      I went to university and studied astrophysics, but couldn’t find my way, and wasn’t interested in spending loads of time zooming into details.

      Combined with knee injuries, I’ve been pretty lost for ways to use my passions. But I wasn’t even indulging in it as a hobby anymore. The writing here is showing me a way back to being able to use that passion, and those energies for something I really believe in :). And I’m feeling more free to follow my interests again.

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      1. Galaxy collection! Definitely some kind of collection, yes! πŸ˜„πŸ˜‰

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    2. Finding this interest in the universe also gave me freedom I really needed at the time when I was 16, as I was very restricted from my knee injury then. So, spiritually too, it was a huge deal. I later had 6 years being recovered, but now space has come back as a therapeutic expression and way to use my energies again.

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      1. Yes, definitely!! Those images and words are so familiar.

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      2. Haha, I have to tell you about watching moons pass over the face of Jupiter πŸ˜„. I keep putting off describing these things in favour of purely creative stuff πŸ˜†.

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    1. Thanks so much! Actually wasn’t sure about this poem, in some ways it feels like describing a first world problem. Which it most definitely is in some ways, but doesn’t make it not important or worth discussing and sharing. I mean, it’s really as important as the other mental health things I’ve written, as it’s directly related, as both a contributor and a consequence of those problems.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Love your words here Robin. I’m a bit of a star gazer too, looking and thinking about what lies beyond. Hope you’re doing well in this strange universe we’re currently living in. Cheers from down under.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks a lot, Miriam! That’s great to hear you’re interested in it too πŸ˜„. You’ve got a great viewing angle from down there! Tell me what the LMC or Sagittarius look like? 😭.

      I’m just about doing ok, thanks :). One day at a time! Meditation helps :D. You seem to be going well with it there, and starting to loosen restrictions. Probably deserve it after the start to the year, haha.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Looks like both my comments got through after all Robin. πŸ˜‚
        Yep, definitely one day at a time. As far as I’m aware our restrictions are still heavily in place. No one’s really game to venture out too far yet. Still early days. Unfortunately.

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      2. Yeah, what I actually read was that some Sydney beaches are re-opening. Which isn’t that useful for most people, lol. I was also assuming more might follow, though. But yeah, early days!

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  2. Hi Robin, I left you a comment and then it disappeared! Strange universe and world we’re living in. 😍 Anyway just wanted to say this is a great piece of writing and I can relate. Hope you’re well in these strange times we’re living in. Cheers from down under.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha! Yes WordPress automatically categorised your comments as spam! I just happened to be looking in there earlier and saw yours. They should be ok now that I’ve approved comments from you, I think.

      Liked by 1 person

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