Morning Disgust

The first thing I feel when I wake up in the morning,
Is I feel sick,
At the hairs on the bathroom floor,

Less than half a day after cleaning everything,
I’m again doing my eye-blinking thing,

No wonder it’s so hard to get out of bed,
When I know I’m getting up to disgust, frustration,
And dissociation.

I will look back on these days,
And wonder how I got through them,
As I’ve done before,
For each previous chapter.

πŸŒͺ

35 thoughts on “Morning Disgust

    1. Thanks! Well, it wasn’t all the cleaning. I would only have to sweep the floor to get it back to how it was. The toilet and floor are otherwise as clean as I left them.

      I’m conflicted about what I should do. Should I accept sweeping the floor each morning, even though that will make the disgust even more intense at the start of the day? But then if not, it will only be harder for that day and the next.

      Now the guy above me has gone again, I could try meditating again. I just started watching this:

      To see if I can consciously find a way to feel better without having to numb myself. I do feel disgust really intensely about certain environmental things, including towards people who have been shown to have bad morality, or lack integrity. And both of those seem unusual. Meditation helped with all of those in the past when I was able to practice it all the time.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh wow, I haven’t actually watched it properly yet. I will in a minute! Thanks! That’s amazing it could help you! Some good from this situation already then πŸ™‚. πŸ’™

        Liked by 1 person

    2. What I need is a fake spider, to put in the bathroom. I could move it around each time I go in there, to make it look alive πŸ˜‰. That may actually work!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. For the rest of them they have a choice of 2 bathrooms. So if I was any of them and I saw a spider in the downstairs bathroom, I’d just go and use the upstairs one whilst going back to my room!

        That housemate is probably now using my bathroom because I’ve cleaned it and she said that she likes things clean and she gets disgusted by how the upstairs housemates mess up that bathroom. Problem is she’s blind to her own mess πŸ€·β€β™‚οΈ.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yeah it’s really ridiculous. She just leaves stuff where it is when she’s finished using it. E.g. something she does multiple times a day is just leave a chopping board with a knife on it, in the middle of the worktop. Sometimes with random bits of food on it. Just now she left all that and a mayonnaise jar right in the middle. Had to push it all to the side and wide the worktop again. πŸ€·β€β™‚οΈ

        It’s like I’ve just recovered from the previous frustration, I go out with good intentions and there’s a new one!

        Like

      3. Yeah. What did I say? I’ve got over that thing now there’s a mountain bike in the living room on the way to the kitchen πŸ€·β€β™‚οΈ. Clearly my housemate has friends round again.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. It wasn’t actually that bad. I was just in a dilemma about whether or not to report it. But he’s been staying in his room when a friend is round and they don’t seem to have been staying long, since the start of lockdown.

        It’s just not worth creating the extra tension in the house for, as long as he keeps it like that.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Ugh, weird! Sorry. WordPress wanted to put this fancy preview image in place of the link πŸ€¦β€β™‚οΈ.

        Well it’s a pack of 10 fake spiders, which look pretty accurate for UK housespiders! Although they’d maybe only work for those quick pranks on people, before they’ve realised they’re fake. Or if the person never approached from the other side of the room, they could work. It’s hard to find good cheap fake spiders! Gap in the market.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I had a feeling it was spiders!
        We have a friend who is so afraid of snakes, one time when he was visiting us and as a prank I pulled a fake snake out and said, ‘look out Lawrence!”Poor guy almost had a heart attack.
        I have never forgiven myself!
        I thought I was being funny but I was just being bad!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Haha!

        Oh man, you’re such a contradiction Margie, lol. A sweet person with a mischievous side, you’d be the last person you’d expect to pull a prank on you hahaha.

        “I thought I was being funny but I was just being bad!” 🀣

        You can forgive yourself. You learned your lesson! πŸ’™πŸ˜„. How are you with spiders?

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Guess I’m just sweet and spicy! LOl
        Oh, they call me the ‘spider rescuer’
        Whenever I see one I get a wet paper towel and very gently gather the spider into it and then I put it outdoors.
        And I say “off you go, you are free.”
        I really do this as my silly hubby is afraid of spiders.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Hahaha! Sweet and spicy fits!

        Haha oh my god that is so cute.

        “I really do this as my silly hubby is afraid of spiders.”

        Lmao you say that as if you’re afraid I won’t believe it. I’m terrified of big spiders too, I believe it!! However I am able to man up if a woman is terrified of one, and needs me to get rid of it. My hero complex overrides all. If my partner wasn’t scared of them, though, I’d still be screwed :\.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. In my case, I have to be the hero and woman up and save my poor, delicate man from the mean ole spider!
        Poor dear!
        I greatly applaud you for having the hero complex!
        “if my partner wasn’t scared of them, though, I’d still be screwed.” LOL

        Liked by 1 person

      7. “woman up” Hahaha!

        “I greatly applaud you for having the hero complex!”

        Lol 😁. 🦾

        🀣

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes indeed! πŸ˜„.

        Ils sont putains de salauds Γ  ma maison!!

        I’m gunna be like a little kid who’s learnt a new swear word now. Putains de salauds, putains de salauds!!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Putains de salauds, Margie! Ils sont tous putains de salauds!

        Fucking salads!! Unbelievable.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I found meditation helped to shift negative focus and thoughts. After persistently did for a while, I felt my brain and mind naturally went to a good place to start my day. So yea hope you stick at meditation. πŸ™

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s gauranteed, lol πŸ˜„. My own space is looking good!

      But I agree, achieving things does make everything easier. It’s in the morning that all of these things are worse, as I wake up feeling pretty shit and empty, and I just want to begin the process of recovering and feeling better!

      Liked by 1 person

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