From The Abysses Of Chaos

It’s really quite criminal,
The depths to which I sunk, at times,
Last year,
Living in the car;

Just to give an exampleβ€”
One day, going to the swimming pool last June,
I spent about 3 hours in the changing rooms,
(This happened more than once),
β€”Stuck, in OCD rituals,
Amidst the simple process of getting changed;

That alone is heartbreaking,
And by the end of it,
It was all I could do to shower,
And get out of there;

I spent a lot of time just hanging around in car parks,
Sitting in my car,
Waiting for rush hour, in Edinburgh,
So that I could get moving again;

I would listen to podcasts,
If I was in the mood for it,
But this one day,
Was totally dejected;

I’d run out of motivation again,
Had hit a wall,
And in my total isolation,
Had nobody to turn to;

Now here’s an insight into why people do ‘crazy’ thingsβ€”
I was suffering unbearable pain,
And desperation,
The only thing on my mind was suicidal ideation,

Sitting there, stuck,
With nothing in my power,
Except the one action I could do,
β€”To hold the horn and scream;

With nothing to lose,
I may as well make my pain known,
And, besides,
I couldn’t hold it in,

Plus, I knew,
Nobody would take any notice,
Not really,
Or they rarely did;

But after some minutes,
A kind lady came to me,
She asked me what was wrong,
And I started to explain my story;

She was a school teacher, from Nottinghamshire,
(Where I grew up),
Also with a son called Robin,
β€”What a coincidence!

She had to take the kids home,
But she’d be back,
If I could hold on,
For just 40 minutes?

What incredible generosity,
And I know how busy school teachers are,
β€”That after a 12 hour, non-stop day,
She’d offer to do that;

That lady kept me alive that day,
And thanks to her act,
I’m here, writing today.

Incredible, huh?


31 thoughts on “From The Abysses Of Chaos

    1. πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™. The amazing few πŸ™‚.

      I’m going to write more of these stories. I’m going to free myself of obligations so that I feel free to write about them, because they require concentration. And it really felt good to describe it πŸ™‚.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you!! I only just found your comment, I think I accidentally pressed a keyboard shortcut which disapproved it!

      Thanks for the comment πŸ’™.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes it is. I’ve since had an opportunity to return it to someone in a similar situation. Thanks Margie! That comment was touching. Honestly as long as I have at the very least writing, and especially with the community of people on here, I never will πŸ˜‰.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. LOL 😁.

        How’s things over there, how’s life in the hospital now? You must have great insights into the US situation.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Ouch. I guess any given hospital won’t have too many cases yet, but yeah, changing quickly. Worrying about the supplies. This is going to become mentally tough for hospital workers, and just in general.

        Any time you want to contact me btw, just let me know. Also up for whatsapp calls, if it helps keep us sane!

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks Ember! Although, it seems to have taken a backstage in priority now! πŸ˜…

        Liked by 1 person

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