Rocking The Boat

The marathon has only just begun,
Despite how far I’ve already come,

I am far from ok,
And not working is OK,
Not working is working,
β€”For me, relatively speaking,

I deserve a break,
I’ve been fighting these things my whole life,

Fighting for sleep,
Fighting for being able to relax at night,
Fighting to feel secure, to avoid loud sounds,

Fuck feeling guilty for this,

“This food course will be really good for you,
This food course will be really good for you,
I think this food course will be really good for you,
It’s really important to be on time,
We’ve decided anybody later than 15 mins isn’t allowed in,
Anybody who misses 3 sessions will be automatically removed,
This food course will be really good for you,
This food course will be really good for you,
This food course will be really good for you,
This food course will be really good for you”,

“I know,
I know,
I know,
I know,
I know,
I fucking KNOW!
But I never chose to not be here for the last course!
And how about we celebrate that I HAVE been here,
Every session,
For the last month!
My morality is goddamned intact!
It is not broken”,

So when it came down to it,
My housemate messed up my sleep pattern,
With the Friday night, with this friends around,
Locking himself out, breaking the door down,

My already-wasting sleep pattern,
Already broken by floorboard creaking,
Absent in the period when I fixed it,
Ironically again, absent this week;

My mind,
Consciously or unconsciously,
Will adapt to the noise pattern around me,
To ensure night-time relaxation,
And un-interrupted sleep;

I have not a chance in hell of meeting time-stamped obligations,
Nor am I obliged to fit with this f***ed up world,
β€”The things I need,
Are what everybody desires, anyway!!

Rock the fuck on,
Robin,
Keep fighting,
To bust out of this prison*.

*Because that is what this is.

πŸŒͺ

10 thoughts on “Rocking The Boat

  1. Cursing up a storm today, huh?
    I do that sometimes but never online … LOL
    I get it though and understand your frustration! 😦
    Rock the f@#k on Robin!
    See, now you have me cursing online!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Omg Margie! I f***ing love it! Lol 🀣. I was about to sayβ€” now I’ve seen you swearing online, lol.

      I am just being more honest! πŸ˜„. I also found that in other people’s poems, where they genuinely use swear words, it is satisfying, and OCD for example is certainly a thing which warrants it. So I feel like others might feel similar satisfaction with their usage for emphasis!

      Golly gee!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Robin, it’s all your fault! LOL
        You are a totally bad example to sweet, innocent little ‘ole me and you now have me swearing online. LOL
        Please don’t tell my mama as she would not approve, not one bit!
        But seriously I do understand the curse words and using them for emphasis.
        If it helps and does not hurt anyone I am all for it.
        Good golly miss molly , keep on keeping on with the good old swearing and you shall be set free! Lol
        Golly gee!
        Golly gee!

        Liked by 1 person

    2. And thank you! By the way, I have started writing in a journal! I bought one about a week ago (or two now!), and finally started it impulsively yesterday :D. I already feel great doing it :D. I am taking out some of my frustrations there, instead of online!

      I have this journal!
      https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1441316698/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_image_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
      I looked at others in shops and just didn’t feel like they’d inspire me or they didn’t feel ‘cosy’ enoughβ€” but this one has a really meaningful design for me! And the pages look how journal pages should. The fact the book is so nice makes me really take care of it. I just need a fountain pen!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh, I am so happy you got a journal and have started writing in it!
        Bravo , Robin .
        And remember you can use any curse word you want in there and it’s for your eyes only!
        Any filthy, dirty, rotten ,stinking curse word you want and you will get your frustrations out and feel better! LOL
        Wow!
        The journal is amazing!
        love the look of it πŸ™‚
        I write in my journal every day and it helps with my grieving process.
        (oh, I have my first meeting this Sat with the grief-group, I am a little nervous but hope I do okay and not break down when I am talking about Terri but chances are I will. )

        Liked by 1 person

  2. The noise situation sounds so difficult to deal with. Believe me, I get it. Sometimes, our neighbour comes back and goes out again about five times between 10pm and midnight in their sports car, vroom vroom. Every swear word I know comes to mind as we are woken up again and again. Inconsiderate b!

    Liked by 1 person

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