Am I Mad?

It is an age-old question,
Men have asked themselves for Millenia,
(right?);

And can creativity,
Lead to more subsets of OCD?

I’ve heard, at different times,
Of OCD ‘subsets’, such as—

ROCD (Relationship OCD)—
Obsessive doubts,
About your relationship,
Questioning everything,
—Including your love for the other!

HOCD (Homosexual OCD)—
Obsessively worried,
That you may be homosexual,
Constantly doubting your sexual identity;

EOCD (Existential OCD)—
Obsessive preoccupation with philosophical questions,
Such as—
The meaning of life,
Or why am I here?

Now, to be clear,
About what ‘OCD’ means—
Obsession and preoccupation to the point of destruction,

—Destruction of routines,
—Destruction of relationships,
—Destruction of identity,
—Destruction of self-worth;

These are no idle quandaries;

Yet still, it always makes me chuckle,
In a darkly-humoured,
Sardonic kind-of way,

—The preponderance of subtypes,
They don’t seem to end,
Stemming, from the creativity,
Of the bottomless mind!

Why do I ruminate so much,
Over preventable lost time?
It’s because there’s a touch,
Of an existential crisis—

Since my life is so wonderfully blessed,
With good health,
General prosperity,
Plenty of time,
And resource for education,
—So much opportunity,
To exercise so much curiosity,

It causes me so much fucking pain,
To waste any of it,
So that I am always trying,
To damn-near optimise it;

And when I say waste—
To lose good chunks of it,
Over worrying about this fact;

So I try to get to a state,
Of minimising the ego—
‘Give yourself up,
Be part of the universe’…

But when I’ve lost a few hours,
Through needless obsessing,
It’s too painful,
It’s more than just ego!

Of course, even given that,
I’m still endlessly advantaged,
But, but…
With everything else equal,
I could have learned about Betelgeuse!

It was my free choice,
And I blew it!
This precious gift,
Of existing in the universe…

Believe me I’m not romanticising,
For the sake of a poem,
(Apart from the sexist second line),
I get hung up over this,
And only punish myself further…

However, I feel better,
Having written this,
And I’m not looking for sympathy,
—But to see the humour and the absurd in it!

🌪