Am I Mad?

It is an age-old question,
Men have asked themselves for Millenia,

And can creativity,
Lead to more subsets of OCD?

I’ve heard, at different times,
Of OCD ‘subsets’, such asβ€”

ROCD (Relationship OCD)β€”
Obsessive doubts,
About your relationship,
Questioning everything,
β€”Including your love for the other!

HOCD (Homosexual OCD)β€”
Obsessively worried,
That you may be homosexual,
Constantly doubting your sexual identity;

EOCD (Existential OCD)β€”
Obsessive preoccupation with philosophical questions,
Such asβ€”
The meaning of life,
Or why am I here?

Now, to be clear,
About what ‘OCD’ meansβ€”
Obsession and preoccupation to the point of destruction,

β€”Destruction of routines,
β€”Destruction of relationships,
β€”Destruction of identity,
β€”Destruction of self-worth;

These are no idle quandaries;

Yet still, it always makes me chuckle,
In a darkly-humoured,
Sardonic kind-of way,

β€”The preponderance of subtypes,
They don’t seem to end,
Stemming, from the creativity,
Of the bottomless mind!

Why do I ruminate so much,
Over preventable lost time?
It’s because there’s a touch,
Of an existential crisisβ€”

Since my life is so wonderfully blessed,
With good health,
General prosperity,
Plenty of time,
And resource for education,
β€”So much opportunity,
To exercise so much curiosity,

It causes me so much fucking pain,
To waste any of it,
So that I am always trying,
To damn-near optimise it;

And when I say wasteβ€”
To lose good chunks of it,
Over worrying about this fact;

So I try to get to a state,
Of minimising the egoβ€”
‘Give yourself up,
Be part of the universe’…

But when I’ve lost a few hours,
Through needless obsessing,
It’s too painful,
It’s more than just ego!

Of course, even given that,
I’m still endlessly advantaged,
But, but…
With everything else equal,
I could have learned about Betelgeuse!

It was my free choice,
And I blew it!
This precious gift,
Of existing in the universe…

Believe me I’m not romanticising,
For the sake of a poem,
(Apart from the sexist second line),
I get hung up over this,
And only punish myself further…

However, I feel better,
Having written this,
And I’m not looking for sympathy,
β€”But to see the humour and the absurd in it!


6 thoughts on “Am I Mad?

    1. That sounds like a Terry Pratchett comment, lol. Indeed! Laughter’s the best mediβ€”
      ClichΓ© police put your hands in the air!

      Liked by 1 person

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