My Self-Sabotaged Existence

Damn…
I’ve got to stop doing this thing,
This abdominal muscular tensing;

I actually got out of the habit,
Over the last few days,
—Which really helped me to feel better,
And it’s been easy to keep at bay;

—For once it’s become ingrained,
The urge to do it,
Really is involuntary,

But once I’ve ‘snapped out’ of it,
It’s really easy to avoid,
And the reason for starting again,
Is always some conscious thought;

This is why I had to stop swimming,
For I stood to lose more,
By continuing to do it,
—Yes, even whilst swimming;

I’ve been procrastinating,
On the sweeping and mopping,
—Only, because,
The mental challenge is intimidating—

The challenge of not doing this stupid thing,
Because,
The current task is going to be very satisfying,
If I don’t;

So now I’ve done it,
And I took my time,
Listening to podcasts,
Learning a lot (trying to),

But I couldn’t stop the tensing,
The more I enjoyed cleaning,
Only the more I did it,

—I now have a headache,
And annoyed at the whole thing,

I just have to get it out there,
It’s too much to deal with.

😕.

I’m now going to make,
An extra effort to stop it,
In my meditative, relaxed way,
Yet fiercely— committed.

🌪