Reading Books

The perennial problem I’ve had,
Once I start to overcome the reading OCD,
(Which is difficult enough,
In itself),

Is an immense burden of guilt,
And regret,
For very quickly,
I start to feel exhilarated,
Through the enjoyment of learning,
And expanding my imagination;

β€”Guilt and regret over the missed opportunities,
Whilst having lived entirely healthily,
β€”All of those books,
That I would have read by now,
Over a period of missed years;

That anxiety, in itself,
Only spurs on the reading OCD,
Which in turn,
Raises anxiety,

β€”It’s a viscious cycle,
One that can only be broken,
By living entirely in the moment,

So that’s what I’m practising.


10 thoughts on “Reading Books

    1. You know the problem really becomes, that living in the moment is painful and undesirable, once my mood has been so flattened, and my head is achingβ€” from all of the muscular tensing and mental reprimanding, etc. All of that just makes everything horrible, so that living in the moment achieves nothing after that point, unless I maintain it for an hour or two.

      Today, I’ve kept it much more at bay, so that at any point returning to the moment again feels good. I reached the point where I just became so distressed I gave up, my goals have reduced and now everything is easier.

      I’ve also taken some valerian tablets about 2 hours ago, so I’m waiting to see if they help! They’ll at least be giving me a little placebo πŸ˜‰.

      Liked by 1 person

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