I Am ๐‘บ๐’ Strong ๐Ÿคฃ

I’m doing better at not ruminating,
But there’s a lot more going on simultaneously,

So now I’m going to do the same with OCD,
And choose against it, consciously;

This makes me feel like a fraud,
But,
There were a couple of days,
Where I was able to remain almost free of OCD,

โ€”Through an impressive conscious effort,
And through keeping things light;

โ€”To laugh at myself,
Whenever I slipped up,

โ€”To see the humorously absurd,
In nervously muttering to myself;

And also, there were certain discontinuities in routine,
Which helped me to make this fresh effort,
โ€”Such as starting to take the Sertraline,
And I really wanted to make the most of it;

For if I keep doing this deliberate muscle-tensing,
And moving my eyes around in a conscious de-focusing,
โ€”To deprive myself of joy and satisfaction,
In the things I actually am accomplishing,

The medication,
Goes to waste and gets cancelled out,

โ€”Which is largely the point,
Of this nervous self-sabotaging,
โ€”If I keep doing this thing,
I will ruin my day, and my life,
It will give me a headache,
Through deliberately-stilted breathing,

โ€”So I better not do it,
Which just makes me keep doing it;

And I wish I could get this all out,
With the opportunity and the time to do so,
In person, talking with a therapist,
And able to receive their understanding,
And encouragement,

For this continues to be one of the most heartbreaking things,
โ€”It’s just gone on for so long,
It’s now strictly force of habit,

And it sounds so strange and ridiculous,
And makes me sound illegitimate,
Which it does, to myself,
But f**k that, for f**k’s sake,

I am so strong mate;

No;

Yes I am actually, mate ๐Ÿคฃ,
Got a light no I haven’t?

(Don’t worry,
I’m not going for likes,
I’m going for lights,
๐Ÿคฎ๐Ÿคง)
;

And I’ll continue to laugh with myself,
Making jokes and making light of it,
Doing silly voices just to make it dramatic,
Because this is how my brain responds,
And this is how to do today,
And this is how I’m going to do it ๐Ÿ˜‰.

๐ŸŒช

20 thoughts on “I Am ๐‘บ๐’ Strong ๐Ÿคฃ

    1. Hey, thanks a lot for the support! ๐Ÿ’™. That was definitely appreciated ๐Ÿ™‚.

      Why “Hal” by the wayโ€” is that related to your name at all?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hahaha!!! I almost replied to your previous message with a ridiculously quaint sentence, to exaggerate it more! xD

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Honestly it looks so bloody cringey when you see another British person trying to act up to the accent! Hello John Oliver…

        Liked by 1 person

      3. xD. Ok I’ve spent way too long trying to figure that out! So they have a sexy accent, and it’s kind of clipped like an English accent?

        Liked by 1 person

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