Looping And In Pain

I’ve been lying in bed,
Stuck in looping mental routines,

I actually slept all day,
Yesterday,
—I’ve not done that before,
In my life;

But I’d been awake all night,
Excited about,
The misophonia thing,
And learning more about it;

—Also, simply enjoying,
The continuing blessed silence,
For I have no idea,
How long it’ll continue;

Ultimately, though,
I’ve barely been outside in months,
Since I have no means,
And nowhere in particular to go;

For what am I gunna do
—drive somewhere,
And remain stationary,
Doing what?
No thanks;

So I slept all day,
Which means beginning the day,
At 11pm at night,
—Something I became excited about;

I was motivated to get up,
For things I wanted to do,
—Going to the supermarket,
In the middle of the night!

But I’ve been lying in bed,
Stuck in looping mental routines,
And now I’ve got a headache,
From muscle-tensing and perfectionism…

Urgh,
How embarassing;

There’s few things I’m embarrassed to admit,
But that is one of them,
—So why did I do it?

Because I simply couldn’t stand it,
Trying to ‘perfect’ the routine,
Before I was allowed to forgive myself,
And to actually get up;

—I came and wrote this instead!
And now all is forgiven,

For I lost a lot of time,
That I really wanted to have,
And for that,
I really feel bad,

But I broke out of the loop,
I’ve broken free from its demands,
And this way I’ll try to stay,
Without trying to ruminate.

🌪