OCD Physical Injuries

Ugh…
This is a weird one,
But I’m in need of strength,
At this crucial moment;

I think it’s an aspect of somatic OCD,
But one pointless thing I do,
Is ‘testing’ my injuries,
Repeatedly…

This began with a finger injury,
Years ago,
When I began working at a company,

—’Carpal tunnel’,
In index finger,
I couldn’t forget it,
So I kept ‘testing’ it;

Is it still hurting?
Bend,
Yes,
Now?
Bend,
Yes,
Damn,
Is it still hurting?

And so on and on,
For absolutely no reason,
Other than anxiety,
And I guess a need for control;

But this became really debilitating,
When applied to my knee injuries,
For I only discovered, quite recently,
Just how significant this is;

‘Testing’ my knee,
In an otherwise good state,
Is sufficiently aggravating,
To create a daily disability;

Worse,
I do this most,
When planning something,
And I’m going to need my strength;

For f**k’s sake,
Why do I do this to myself,
I’ve had no answer,
In order to forgive myself,

And in order to,
Stop doing it.

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