Making Sense

I’m going over it,
In my mind,
I’m trying to make sense,
Of what’s gone on…

We got to know each other,
Firstly as friends,
Came over for dinner,
We had a nice evening,

Stayed the night,
It was cosy indeed,
Good conversation,
Everything was right;

Another day,
Spent together,
More of the same,
It was getting happier;

And then the revelation,
β€”The ex is not past,
Apologies were spoken,
I was taken aback;

That’s fine,
I said,
And if you want,
We can still be friends;

So we hung out again,
The weekend hence,
But there were strong signs again,
Wanting more than friends;

Another night,
Spent over at mine,
Everything repeated,
Took it one day at a time;

I was trying to be wary,
This had the potential to be messy,
But I’d formed an attachment,
Through the intimacy;

A second decision,
This time was final,
That’s fine, I said,
As long as we’re transparent;

I continued to help,
She was in a difficult plight,
I was only too happy,
β€”I’d do that for anybody;

But here’s the confusionβ€”
We don’t agree on definitions,
Of what constitutes intimacy,
Helping or flirting;

And all I can say is,
There was but one split-second,
When I made a suggestion,
Borne of affection;

It was politely declined,
And it was totally alright,
I’d felt like an idiot,
But it was well-intentioned;

Now suddenly, it’s upon me,
All of this animosity,
Friendship destroyed,
Apparently;

It’s left me feeling awful,
And questioning myself…
I’m trying to see,
What I could have done differently;

They’ve asked me not to write,
More poems on this subject,
But it’s completely anonymous,
And I have nobody else,

I just need a friend,
To talk all of this out,
An ear on my side,
So I can try to make sense…

I badly wish,
I’d not shared this blog now,
But this blog is mine,
And nobody has to read it.

πŸŒͺ

18 thoughts on “Making Sense

  1. I think it’s good that you shared it. And yes, we all need someone to talk to that has no direct link to anything.
    I hear your heart speaking in this, and I am sad that the situation has spun out of control in a sense.
    You have been in my thoughts this weekend, and now I know why.
    I trust that you are okay, and that there are only better days ahead ❀

    Liked by 2 people

    1. This really helped, thank you! Thanks so much for the reassurance. It really helped having your input on it :).

      I’m definitely doing a lot better now, I’ve stayed up and begun my day at 5am, as I slept till 4pm yesterday… resetting myself and living more positively :). Going to keep busy today.

      Thanks Meg! πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I am glad you are doing better. I am busy typing a blog post about how I am doing. It’s going to be a long read, because I am not sure myself πŸ˜›
        I did look for an email address for you over the weekend, just to send a quick ”are you okay”, but my search was empty, LOL!
        So I am very glad that you are okay.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Wow thanks so much though, that’s a really kind gesture. So nice that you thought of me and thought of emailing.

        You searched for meβ€” haha! Yeah I’m not that well-known yet, give it another 20 years.

        I will read your post when it’s finished πŸ™‚πŸ’™.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Thanks, Rob. I don’t take caring for others lightly, and there are some people that I just feel are friends from the get go, despite distance and lack of meeting them in person. This means that they are in my mind, and I have found that when they pop up there is usually a reason – so I like to check in πŸ˜‰
        I just couldn’t do Word Press – too much in my heart and mind, and not wanting to write about it for the first time ever. So an email would have been the next best thing. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I wish you all the best, Robin, always.
    I hope everything will be okay.

    May all your skies be blue ones
    May all your dreams be seen
    May all your friends be true ones
    And all your joys complete
    May happiness and laughter
    Fill all your days for you
    Today and ever after
    May all your dreams come true.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Thanks so much for thinking of me! I should be alright now actually, and I’ve decided to stay up, since I actually got out of bed at 6pm yesterday…horrific, and now I’m doing the day as if I woke up at 5, and it’s amazing so far! I already went to the supermarket before rush-hour, now I’m going to do some cooking :D. I’ve ‘reset’ myself this way before and it does work for me. I will continue getting up at 5am ;).

        Is the trip to Arizona for fun/for a break?

        πŸ’™

        Liked by 1 person

    1. This is so much appreciated, thank you πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™ I will keep reading this.

      You should definitely post these poems…!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are most welcome, Robin.
        Bravo on your reset of your day, if it works for you, that is what matters.
        Just get some good sleep , that is so critical to your mental health and well-being.
        The poem I wrote on ‘the spur of the moment’ and it was just for you.
        I am glad you liked it πŸ™‚
        I am going to AZ for fun and a break.
        Leaving in the morning,
        Be back in Colorado around Feb 21st .
        Take good care, always.
        I had best get to bed as morning comes too soon
        C’ya later ❀

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I appreciate how difficult it must have been to write this post but I am glad that you did. Meg from nopassingfancy is right in saying that we all need someone to talk to that has no direct link to anything because often they can offer words of support and encouragement based on experience.
    Relationships can be really difficult to understand especially when messages get mixed, I remember getting really close to my ex wife and mother of my 2 children and when I went to leave I leant in to kiss her and of course she was taken aback and stepped away and I felt like an absolute idiot and apologised but we were never the same again but I then set my own boundaries.
    I hope that you have better days ahead of you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh man thank you, this was really good to read. Thanks so much for reading my post and offering the support πŸ™‚. It is definitely helpful to read your relatable story.

      Like

    1. Thanks so much! I was uncertain about writing it, as the thing I mentioned in it about the warning was on my mind, but I knew I needed to. So I really valued the re-assurance :). Oh yeah no I was definitely nervous about revealing something glaring that I’d done and I wasn’t aware of, too. Yeah you’re right it was pretty personal!

      Liked by 1 person

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