Car Life

I find my thoughts returning,
Sometimes,
To that long, eventful journey,
–– Those seven months of car life,
Of 2019;

I’ve mentioned it a few times,
But it’s only right––
It really defined the year,
And birthed some of my ideas;

I find it sad how,
When OCD swallows me whole,
Or lost in rumination…
–– I can still manage to lose,
Even now,
All feeling of perspective,

But it’s no more β€˜crazy’,
Than living in my car,
And growing ever-more mad,
At the way I am breathing;

How many times,
I felt tormented by breathing,
An eczema itch,
Or ritualised blinking;

Yet,
Amongst all of that…
I found scenes of beauty,
Slices of humour,
And even pieces of me.

Midnight in the middle of Scottish Summer.
View along the seafront in Musselburgh. My favourite place to stop and eat and listen to podcasts.
My cooking stove, and my favourite brown boots before I somehow lost them, right before the end of this whole period. I lost a lot of things over-all.
Documenting my situation in March, for the purpose of looking back in better times :). And here I am :D.

πŸŒͺ

9 thoughts on “Car Life

  1. Thanks for sharing this part of your life, Robin.
    I can imagine it was a very difficult time for you.
    But you found beauty and humor even during those days of living in your car. Bravo!
    You are always in my good thoughts.
    Bless you!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks a lot Margie!

      Yes it was indeed difficult, and it’s great to have that understood and appreciated emotionally :).

      It does feel surreal sometimes to look back and see how far I’ve come, how impossible it all was. At times I had to simply survive, I had to out-stay my welcome at places, I met the right people at critical times. But first I had to maintain the hope that it would get better, and the belief in taking it one day at a time, and looking at every small improvement. From your lowest points when you’re about to give up, you can find inspiration and a source of deep love for yourself which overcomes the feeling of pity in that moment. Jeez lol 😭.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is the kind of individuality that I talk about in what makes a great blog. I read this and I want to write back. I don’t know what to say, but I want to say something. Actually, I want to share a picture of myself from March. That’s how much this has gotten to me.

    Onward and upward is the motto I’ve adopted. And, hopefully for you, the world gives you some onward and upward as well.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Wow, such a stunning and encouraging comment, thanks V! That’s a very nice feeling to know how my very personal experience touched you. I had the urge to write in more detail about it for a while, and I’m glad I did :). That’s such a lovely gesture to offer to share the photo, I was taken aback!

      And that’s a great motto, thanks indeed!

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you! 😭. That’s really kind πŸ’™. So weird to have this…link/third-party response to something like that, which felt so lonely at the time. Weird way to word it but I couldn’t think of anything else :D.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. β€œWhy do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.”
    ― Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky

    Like

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